Random Thoughts of a Modern-Day Miracle

I miss you...

2009-08-31T08:58:00.000-07:00

Granddaddy,
I hurt. You left here without warning. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to you. What I wouldn't give to hear that laugh just one more time. I remember you would come out of nowhere with the craziest notions, but for the most part, you know what you were talking about. Like, how you told Fatman to stay away from a whole lot of pop. And when he understood why, he got up promptly and poured out his 7Up. And you burst out into that infectious laugh, loud and strong, straight from the belly.
Thinking back, I smile through my tears. You were always hilarious to me. I remember when "Lil Bit" was a runt, small enough to deserve that nickname. She was balled up in a sheet on the floor, covered up head to toe. And you came in the house and started to yell about why we don't pick up our stuff and to get the sheet off of the floor. My eyes got wide, and I anxiously told you, Granddaddy, that's Simone, she's sleeping. And you looked at me like I was crazy to think I could tell an outright lie to you. And I knew it. So, I quickly ran to her spot, and lifted the sheet and revealed her feet to show you that you didn't have to go get the belt on account of me. You looked for a second, and there was that laugh. i guess you didn't figure that "Lil Bit" was that tiny.
Mommy cooks, and my eyes well up with tears, Granddaddy. She always let it be known that she got her cooking skills from her daddy. She will put a green onion in anything. And soon, our house smells just the way yours would in the mornings if you made an omelette, or cooked pretty much anything. I remember the stories of the barbecued goat, coming to the kitchen to see you cooking an omelette that had less yellow than any egg I'd ever seen. I remember the Cream of Wheat, or as Daddy and Uncle Jay call it, Chunky Wheat". Sorry, granddaddy, but after you add the hunks of meat, onions, garlic, and other roots, it could no longer be referred to as Cream of anything.
I always felt as if I amused you. I distinctly remember one morning, I was half awake, and I heard you and Granny talking about me. You were trying to figure out how I ended up with my upper half under covers, my bottom half above covers, and my let leg hanging off the edge of the bed. I guess you were quite tickled, because you laughing jolted me awake. I had a look on my face that was confused at first, then angry, as I glared at you out of one eye. And you went down the hall, still laughing. God, I miss you.
I imagine you crying for me when you heard about my fingers and toes, and I hurt again. I wanted not only to tell you that I will be okay, I wanted you to see for yourself. I wanted to show you myself that when you went back to Colorado Springs, there was no need to worry about me. I may not be okay now, but I will be. I wanted you to witness my healing, Granddaddy. But I guess He had other plans. this is goodbye, Granddaddy, not because I have run out of things to say, but because I can no longer see the keys through my tears. I miss you and I will always love you...

Dedicated to the memory of Mr. Henry Baker
12.10.37-8.28.09

Im Stuck in a Pit of Perpetual Boredom

2009-08-17T12:41:00.000-07:00

Okay, I need volunteer jobs or something because this is a bit much. I never have been one to sit around-my family and friends know that ALL TOO WELL. Sidebar: it's because I usually don't know when to go sit down somewhere that I overexert myself and get into trouble. Anyway, I'm going stir crazy here!!!!! And I sleep all day waiting for someone to come home. Okay, I shall hit google up for info on state schools with rolling admissions policies...

Losers that fight over the internet...WHY?!?!?

2009-08-04T07:58:00.000-07:00

I remember I posted on Fb one day, "What's worse than two people fighting on Fb? two people that fight on Myspace. And worse than that? two losers that fight on YouTube. On the Comments section. Of a Michael Jackson video. About Michael Jackson. Who's dead now, so it doesn't matter." Well guys, the cycle continues...
Ok, so I'm trying to watch India.Arie's new video Therapy, because I absolutely love the song, and I keep having to look at this jerk on YouTube posting "Africa.Arie". So I get curious and look up all the text comments on the video. Peep this: this fool has started a monumentally retarted war about how India.Arie isn't Asian(because apparently it is so important that Indians be considered Asian, now) and how black people look like walking Hershey bars and a myriad of shockingly ignorant statements. so everybody is replying to this(excuse my Scandinavian, not French) douche bag, telling him to go jump off of a cliff, and all this garbage and how he's not even listening to her music, and trying to just get the little twit to log off.
So...he's an idiot and his thought process appalls me. I would've replied, but I do not fight people on YouTube...I have a life. But it is bothering me. In the first place, what does it matter what the woman's name is? Her music is enlightening and she has made more money trying to educate tards like him than he will ever smell. And secondly, why is he concerning himself with her anyway? Like, get a journal or something.
Thirdly, ON YOUTUBE?!?! I don't get it. They put the comments section up there for people to express how they feel about the video, not to generalize and make hate comments about an entire race. This, coupled with the guy calling Gates a "banana eating jungle monkey" is making me appreciate the older generations for what they had to endure during the height of the Civil Rights Movement when people were not only more outspoken, but they harmed the people that they didn't like. They didn't let others break their spirits, and because of that, I am free to call people out in this here blog.
La gracia de dios y la misericordia están con usted,
R. Charlese

Looking Back...

2009-08-02T16:06:00.000-07:00

It just dawned on me: One year ago today, I had just returned from hell, otherwise known as an entire summer spent in the hospital. Literally, school let out on the 23rd of May, I arrested on the 28th, and I was released on the 1st of August. And now, I have been through hell twice. Except this time, it wasn't an entire summer, just the conclusion of my high school career. But it is well with my soul. Omg, look out for the poem based off of that soon...
So, I was in church today, and Bishop is preaching, and it seems as if he is talking to me. This was like last Sunday, everything he was saying resonated with where I am right now. I am still tickled by something he said today. He says, "If I ever hear you say 'things just can't get any worse than they are right now', I'm going to slap you in the mouth. Not to show that I'm angry, or retaliate, but to show you that things can get worse. You say things can't get worse; they just did." Gotta love Uncle Jay!!! Now mind you, I'm in for real arthritis pain because I'm tired, and the AC was set on penguin conditions and I am still fully tuned in to the message. I am like, ok, where I am right now is good for me because God is working something in me that I can't even conceive. And I'm excited.
I remember when I was about 12, I was anointed by a guest presenter in a dance workshop at a Worship Conference to dance. i think she made satan mad. ;)I love it, though, because while I'm waiting to heal, i can sing, work in Digital Evangelism, take on leadership roles in Teen Ministry,and when I do heal, I'm gonna dance for the Lord like I know I'm called to do: no toes and all!!!!! Oh yeah, Satan got the wrong one this time. He picked on a multi-faceted, totally committed chic full of potential.
I talked to this really nice older gentleman yesterday. He asked about my hands and i told him what happened, and all he could say was, "wow". He even offered to buy me lunch. I was like, i have food, but thank you, I appreciate it.
That disbelief seems to be the consensus when I testify. Probably because I'm very nonchalant about the whole thing. People around me are more concerned about whether I'll be ok, and if I seem depressed, but I told God one night in the PICU, "I don't know why Im here. Apparently, you've got something for me to do. So, I give. You got it, slick. Just grant me the grace to be able to handle this and show people that you have granted me a peace they may never understand, I fully submit to your will. Im done fighting you, and I'm not going to ask questions like, "why meeee, oh God?" I figure the answer to be: Because i said so. Mommy asked him, and he told her it was for His glory. Either answer works for me.
La gracia de dios y la misericordia están con usted,
R. Charlese

Humming In My Head: Oh Lord, How Excellent...
Listening to on the YouTube: Beyonce Sweet Dreams
FML:Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML
*check out more hilariously traumatizing stories at www.fmylife.com*

Imported From the ol' FB

2009-07-31T14:01:00.000-07:00

For those that are unfamiliar, "the ol' fb" is facebook. I started posting random stuff on my page recently and I thought you might appreciate them. Here goes...

"Random Thoughts"
Posted 7.16.09
I've just noticed how much of an impact social networking sites have on our lives, due mostly to one of my older relatives, who's over 60, declaring that they are interested in creating a facebook account. The only problem: i don't know if that was a joke or not. But fb is pretty widespread in age. i have my 15 year old baby bro and my 41 year old mom on my friends list, and it works out quite nicely for the most part.
Now to my point:
My bestie lost an older relative this week, and as she was telling me about the things they went through in getting her affairs in order, it got me to thinking. What if a relatively young, even middle-aged person died? We would have to go through their things, let the rest of the family know, then delete their facebook account. Like, the day they die, have a new post: JANE DOE passed away last night..., then have the ceremonial dude at the gravesite with his laptop and wifi card and as the casket is lowered into the ground, he hits "delete account". How sad. Told you it was random...

"My 2 Cents on MJ"
Posted 7.26.09
This is crazy!!!!! Nobody expected Michael Jackson to die the way he did.It's so surreal. You keep hearing it over and over again: The King of Pop is dead at age 50. And yet, you still can't believe it.He was just about to go on tour. And true fans of his, those who already bought their comeback tour tickets, are shaken up.
But although we admire his musical genius and respect him to the fullest, Mike was a weird dude!!! There's no denying that. Hell, if Joe Jackson was your daddy, you'd be a little off-key, too! Everybody wants to act like they never once suspected that MJ had an affinity for little boys, or that he bleached his skin. So when ppl don't want to listen to his greatest hits all day long, or they are straightforward about how they viewed MJ (Javon), don't jump down their throats. I'm a Michael Jackson fan, I love his music, I recognize him for the absolute musical great that he was, but let's be completely honest:Last night, I was cracking a few jokes involving Bubbles the Chimp. I'm not crying, and I refuse to sit in my room all day and watch BET. That doesn't make me a horrible, disrespectful, heartless person. Because guess what: I DID NOT KNOW MICHAEL JACKSON.
But let's think about it. With all of this debate on if the man was nutzo or not, whether he deserves our respect or not, we still aren't honoring his one wish: He wanted everyone to love him for who he was, and to be left alone. So, to those who aren't exactly Michael Jackson fans, maybe even harsh critics, LET IT GO!!!!!!! He wasn't perfect, he was a troubled soul who had no idea how beloved he was, and I want to see him get the respect and the love that he yearned for in life, in death. And there you have it.
Can we please let Michael Jackson REST IN PEACE?

One Day More (Hospital Blues)

2009-07-30T09:10:00.000-07:00

One Day More
Raven Johnson
Once upon a morning dreary, as I pondered, weak and weary
Laying in that hospital bed, terribly bored-
As I lay there, lightly napping, I heard a distant, rhythmic rapping
As of someone loudly tapping her high-heeled shoes upon the floor.
“Maybe it’s a doctor,” I thought hopefully, “tapping her shoes upon the floor
Come to free me forevermore.”

Ah, distinctly I remember I had been there since December
And my underlying temper was growing more and more.
I longed to leave that place and show the world my long forgotten face
For no outside world I graced; I could not stay there one day more.

Suddenly the woman ceased her tapping, tapping her shoes upon the floor
And then came the familiar rapping, rapping of hand upon the wooden door.
Her face was anxious, her colleagues looked nervous,
And I knew they came to do me no service.
More tests she announced to ensure your health
Although you’re doing fairly well
She locked her eyes on my half-eaten breakfast
And then focused them on the floor.

Instantly, I knew what she was thinking, and any hope I’d had was quickly sinking
Her comments and expressions quickly linking in my mind, for she’d done this before
We’ve ordered NPO for you, for your stomach must be empty to
Allow us to correctly view any thing not there before.
I hope you enjoyed the food you ate, for it has been your fate
To eat nothing after 9:04; it was 9:03; I could not be there one day more.

*this is a parody to Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Raven”*

Why the Drama?

2009-07-30T08:10:00.000-07:00

Why does everything have to revolve around drama?
Ok, peep this: the new Brinks(oh, I'm sorry, Broadview) security commercial doesn't just feature some random person trying to break in and hurt Jane and haer daughter, little Susie. Oh no, see now there's a plot twist. See, Sarah is on a date with a guy she just met, and as he makes the move to go inside, she stops him, explaining she just got out of a bad relationship, so Henry McHandsome leaves. After Sarah goes into the house her boyriend kicks in the door, and after a really threatening "Get Out!!!" he leaves. And the guy at the security desk answers with the usual, and Sarah tells him, "My ex-boyfriend kicked in the door..."
Ok, so realistically, ex-boyfriend is gonna kick in the door long enough to be recognized then he runs away? I don't think so. Obviously she knows who it is trying to break in, so he's going to be charged with attempted burglarly anyway. So it seems he should at least take a Pop-Tart or something...
My point: what is with our fixation on drama? Reality TV is at an all time high right now. Everybody has a reality show right now. People are tuning in to even the really lame shows that seem to serve no purpose and the obviously scripted shows. It's like crack!!! I've got a pitch; Let's make a reality show: The Next YouTube Star!!!

Song of the Day: Michael Jackson, Smooth Criminal
Movie of the Week: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
FML: Today I was running and I accidentally dropped my Doublemint gum on the ground. Nobody noticed, so I picked it up and started chewing again. It tasted of Juicy Fruit. FML

Inaugural Post

2009-07-24T19:56:00.000-07:00

well, here goes. I have to occupy my time until January, so I figure a blog is a good way to go. We went to Savannah last week. My mom, best friend, and myself. It was beautiful!!! And my sister came back to me. I have realized something very crucial about our relationship: We get along great as long as we don't have to be around each other all the time. So when I do go away to school, we should blossom into the best of friends!
You know how I am expected to lose all of my toes and 5 of my fingers? I thought I had gotten used to the idea and that I would be perfectly fine when they did detach. I found myself completely freaking out when I merely thought I had lost one. Turned out to be a false alarm, but I didn't expect that reaction. I was blubbering! My prayer is now God grant me the grace to handle the next couple of months. I do just wish that my doctor would just amputate ad put me out of my misery. Just get it over with so that I can begin to recuperate, already!!! But I digress.

Song of the Day: Maxwell: Bad Habits
Movie of the Week: Steel Magnolias